A Moment of Quiet

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed the quiet, peacefulness of my house. The last month has been one of the most chaotic, challenging times of my life. Right now the dog is sleeping, the baby is snoring and the husband is playing hockey--leaving me a minute to reflect and write about the last step of the pregnancy journey. Most of the time I am trying to sleep in every extra second, but last night I got a total of six hours sleep and that makes all the difference in the world.

When we last left off, I was headed to the hospital for an induction. There was no reason to think that the induction wouldn't work. I was dilated and effaced before I got there, but even the last step had to be a bit more complicated. Originally, we were supposed to be at the hospital at 6am, but they called at 5am to tell us that they weren't ready for us. We tried to go back to sleep for awhile, but it's like Christmas morning and the excitement prevents you from closing your eyes. Around 8am they called and said they were ready for us. We said we'd be there in an hour as we still hadn't eaten breakfast. The advice from our doula was to eat as big of meal as possible beforehand as I wouldn't know when I'd get my next meal.

Even though I wanted a natural childbirth, I wasn't planning to do it without the help of some medication. I was striving to be "relaxed but present" as this might be the only time I experience childbirth. About an hour and a half after being checked into the hospital, they started the Pitocin--which should start the labor going. I was a bit locked into bed as they were doing full-fledged monitoring on me as the blood pressure was still a risk.

After a couple of hours, the doctor came in and broke my water. I didn't think that was too bad until I went and sat on a birthing ball. Let's just say there was a lot of gushing over the next couple of hours--not a feeling I am in any hurry to repeat again. About three hours into the labor, the real contractions began. It was at this point we had our doula come in. I have no doubt that if we had tried to do this on our own, we would have had a very different experience.

The doula offered a lot of different options for managing the pain. At this point I still hadn't taken any pain medications. We were working through it with massage, positions and breathing. We even tried the shower--some people love being in water, but that one wasn't for me. I finally had to add some pain meds to the mix. I can honestly say that labor pain is unlike anything else I have ever experienced. OUCH! I was making progress, but it was slowing down. I was at 7cm and it was almost 730pm. I had been at this for nine hours at this point.

It was also time for the epidural. I waited as long as I could, but the pain was unbearable. The relief from the epidural was almost instantaneous, but it did nothing for my labor. I then started to second guess the pain meds, wondering if I should have held off? Every hour we would check my cervix and no more progress, we even napped for a bit. Finally about midnight, the nurse and the doula came to me and said that we needed to consider a c-section. As near as the nurse could tell, the baby's head wasn't in a position to go through the birth canal. The doula felt that she had used all her tricks to change position. It was also at this point that we realized that my epidural had pulled out and my pain levels were almost at a10 level again. It didn't take much convincing on my part to have the doctor be called in for the c-section.

I was disappointed that I wouldn't have the natural childbirth, but I was grateful to have experienced as much of it that I did. I know I gave it my best shot and the time had come to do what was best for baby. The c-section is a weird experience as they give you a spinal tap, so that you can't feel it but are awake through it. It's just bizarre to have people cutting you up while you are fully conscious. At 140am, our little defenseman was born. We heard him before we saw him as his cry was loud and clear as he came out.



We got what we asked for--a healthy baby boy who weighed 8 pounds, three ounces and was 20 inches long. All ten fingers and ten toes were present and accounted for. It was great having the doula at this point, she was capturing all of it on film while Clay tended to the baby, and she made sure that I was doing okay. It was at this point that the drugs and the hormones just make you shake, and you just can't stop for the next couple of hours.

Once I was sewn up, I was off to recovery and finally able to bring my baby to my chest. He was able to latch on right away. Now I know everyone is wondering where my teary, he's finally here moment was. I didn't have it during the delivery. And, I didn't have it for the next four days.

I finally cried when we were in the elevator going home. After many years of struggling, I was finally going home with a baby--our time had come to be parents.

Coming Soon

In theory, this is my last day being pregnant-- 39 weeks and 2 days. Given some of the complications of this pregnancy, we are opting to induce tomorrow. It wasn't an easy decision as my preference would have been to let nature take its course and a May baby sounded great.

Instead, in the middle of the royal hubbub tomorrow, we'll be at the hospital hoping for a labor that comes easily and being able to avoid a c-section. I wish I was able to at this point write the heartfelt letter I'd like to about this journey, but that's going to have to wait until I have my full vision back.

My last paragraph is really a tribute to all the gals [and guys] I know who are still struggling to complete their journeys--whether they are still trying to conceive, waiting for adoption or making the decision to be childfree. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility is not a glamorous disease--it's not life threatening, so it is hard to raise support and money for it. It is, however, life debilitating-- lots of tears, depression and general malaise. Often, there are very painful losses involved. If you know someone who is struggling, lend them some support or direct them to www.resolve.org. I can't say enough about how wonderful the online community is about helping each other make it through this tough time.

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me and for following my story. We couldn't have done it without you.

Please, Make It A Double

Right now, I want a double vodka martini. At least then, I might have an explanation for why I have been seeing two of everything for the last 72 hours.

It all started on Thursday when I was feeling some sinus pressure. I didn't think much of it, except that it was annoying. Then, on Friday, I felt off--a little lightheaded and concerned enough that I had Clay drive me to the doctor. Then, late on Friday night, I looked toward the kitchen and saw two Clays....now if one wasn't enough to handle! I didn't think too much about it and assumed I'd wake up in the morning with the world looking alright.

That wasn't the case. Since Saturday, my vision has been a mess. I am seeing double when I look straight ahead. I had finally resigned myself to bed rest [and had survived the week thanks to Netflix streaming and a bunch of hockey playoffs], but now looking at any type of screen is a challenge. For the first couple of days I could use the computer with ease, but now I have to use my peripheral vision to type.

And, yes, I have called the doctors. My ob says as long as my blood pressure is in check--it just appears to be another type of swelling. I called the eye doctor this morning--he didn't want to see me. He said that tired, hormones, blood sugar, blood pressure, etc... were probably having an effect. None of it is very satisfying answers.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't deal with a health crisis very well. My brain always goes to the worst--what if this doesn't reverse? However, I think that is the challenge in front of me at the moment. I need to just have some peace about this and try to stick with the go forward plan, which is to have this baby in due time and have faith that everything will work itself out.

Meanwhile, I still feel incredibly lucky for all the friends and family I have. Hopefully, I don't forget anybody...but the last week you continue to amaze me with your kindness. LF for keeping me company. JS for helping me finish organizing the nursery. KC for both a lovely dinner and then going to BBB for those extras you thought the nursery needed. NK for the much needed In n Out fix plus babysitting me. KM for sending me a box of clothes, so that I don't freak out about not having the right clothes for #3 to wear. Mom for everything..shopping, fixing Easter dinner, more grocery shopping and more dinner fixing.

Since the Easter Bunny forgot to bring me #3, I can only hope he is on his way soon.

Place Your Bets

I looked for an online baby due date pool, and I couldn't really find one that was easy for folks to use. So, feel free to leave your guess here on the blog or on my Facebook page.

Here are the facts.

• Today I am 38 weeks pregnant--wow, who would have guessed.
• As mentioned in post below, doctor is concerned about my health and wants to talk about possibly inducing. Next doctor's appointment is Tuesday, April 26th.
• Due date is May 4th.
• I am already dilated and effaced.
• I have started to work with my acupuncturist to start a "natural" induction process.
• This is the last day to have an Aries versus a Taurus.

Post day and time of day, weight and height. I promise the winner of the pool will get something fun.

House Arrest

My Type A personality finally got the best of me. Today was my last day of work, so I was fast and furiously trying to get everything done before I went to my weekly doctor's visit. First we did the weekly heartrate monitoring and that was great, #3 is definitely very active.

Then, we went and took my blood pressure--it hit an all-time high of 152/100. The issue with this is that it can be a sign of pre-eclampsia, which is a very dangerous condition for pregnant women. Other signs include swelling...and anybody who has been around me for the last couple of weeks have seen my huge feet and ankles [maybe I'll share a picture]. I am still waiting to hear about lab results--but I am assuming no news is good news. The doctor was ready to send me to the hospital for monitoring, but she wanted to take my blood pressure a second time after I was on my side for awhile. The good news is that twenty minutes later it was down to 130/84. But, it is clear that I need to take it easy.

So, I am now on house arrest...me, the couch and the Zamboni for the next couple of weeks. I am bummed in the sense that I was looking forward to having a couple weeks to finish getting the house ready--"nesting". But, I know that all that matters at this moment in time is keeping #3 safe.

My due date is May 4th and that is starting to look suspect. My other stats today... I was 2-3cm dilated and already 50% effaced, so I do believe that Clay and I need to be ready for anything. And, I think we are.

April Showers

Actually they were March showers, but it took awhile to get all the pieces together for this post. I had two magnificent baby showers--we opted to split them up to be more intimate. I apologize in advance if someone felt slighted.

I still find it hard to believe that I actually had a baby shower. A day doesn't go by [even with my swollen feet and expanding belly] when I don't take a deep breath and give thanks for being just weeks away from the new arrival.

No more words today...just pictures.

My friend Jenn made 24 individual block cakes--filled with coconut cream frosting. She cut all the lettering, etc by hand. The favors were herbs with the tag, "Grow with the Fiske Family".

Jenn and I

Julie, co-hostess, and shower giver extraordinaire

There's a great bib on the table, it says "Star of Mommy's Blog". The favors were Nancy's homemade truffles in these cute baby bottle boxes.

My mom and the future Aunt Nancy who threw a lovely brunch.


My mother-in-law and sister-in-law flew in from Minnesota.

I could post so many more pictures. Julie got some terrific invitations and decorations from serendipitydesignco.com [they can be found on Etsy]. They were baby bottle Bellinis [which I heard were delicious]. The first venue was at a terrific new wine bar in Los Gatos called Enoteca La Storia. There were so many beautiful, cute and thoughtful gifts.

Thank you all for sharing in the celebration.

Time is Flying

The big day is going to be here before I know it, and I am starting to have those feelings of not being prepared. I can just hope that little #3 hangs tight and doesn't come early.

To that point, Monday marked the first day of weekly NST testing. Nothing is wrong, but my ob Dr. S understands that I am a bit higher risk and wants to make sure that this journey has a happy ending. My first NST was in the morning, which isn't an ideal time as #3 tends to be quiet in the morning and a large part of the test requires that the baby be active. It took ringing a loud alarm to get him moving--hopefully this isn't a preview of school mornings to come. This next week I am going to try it at 4pm when I know that he is moving around down there.

I also had an unremarkable ob visit at that time, except for being referred to a specialist for a problem that is "a pain in the butt." Every pregnant woman seems to have one symptom that makes her life a little difficult. I know a lot of gals who are suffering from reflux--thankfully I am not one of them as I like to eat. I'll take the back end problem even as uncomfortable as it may be.

Tuesday night we went to our first childbirth prep class. The husband was a good sport, given that he had to give up a SJ Sharks game that night. Evidently the key mantra to childbirth is "Relaxation=Dilation". I am sure that is easier said than done. I do not plan to do natural childbirth--my pain tolerance is low, but I do hope to avoid a c-section. With our doula, we'll get started soon on writing a birth plan.

Part of the reason I am behind on blogging this week is that I went for one last girls' weekend. It was a great weekend and I know the gals enjoyed spending some time with the pregnant mama. I wanted them to feel him kick, but he never seemed to be good at putting on a show when demanded. I really appreciate their support in my life and they are going to be some fantastic aunties!

Sunset at Pismo Beach