Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Believe

The month slipped by in a blink of an eye.   Even though Franklin will never remember this Christmas, his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles will.   He did awesome with his first Santa photo--it may be the only one he ever smiles for, but that's okay as I know that photo sent a lot of joy across the land.

I bought a $6 dollar shirt at Target this season in my favorite color, purple, and on the front in rhinestones, it said, "Believe."   Nothing has been more true for me over the last couple years.   I have to admit that I often had trouble keeping the faith that it would all work out, but Clay has been unwavering in his belief that we would someday be parents.  That is what often makes a good partnership--the ability to stabilize the boat for each other during turbulent times.   Even though the first year of parenting is filled with joyful moments, there are also moments of stress, insecurity and frustration.   It has become clear to both of us that when the waters are rocky, we truly need to find our way back to center.   When the two of us are in synch, it is much easier to ride the waves.

Franklin turned 8 months old yesterday.  As far as 2011 is concerned, we spent more time with Franklin as part of our life than we did without him.   Most days are a blast as we seem to have a talkative extrovert on our hands [can't imagine where he gets that from].  Our routine only gets disrupted when Franklin gets a cold, which seems to be every three weeks right now.    What we are hoping for 2012 is that Mom and Dad build up some immunity and not get sick every time the little guy does.

8 Months--Catching the Doggie     
This coming year is going to be an interesting one as I navigate the waters as a working mom. Again, as painful as getting laid off while on maternity leave was, I am grateful for the things I learned about myself  during the last four months.  I have held on to the belief that I would end up in the right place at the right time--and, ultimately, the best choice for the family.   Because that's the difference between this year and last, my choices used to be about what was right for me.  Now it's about what is right for all of us.   It's a new trick for an old dog to learn.

Tell Me Another Dad, That's Funny!

I wish for all of you during 2012 is a peaceful and healthy year.  Be kind to each other and cherish each day. Thanks for following along.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Finally a November with a Happy Ending

"Thankful V finally had a happy November."   Posted on my husband's Facebook wall.  I had been writing a gratitude status every day, but I forgot the last day.   Yet, he knew exactly what to write.

November had come to be my least favorite month.   In 1998 I discovered my first husband wasn't able to have kids.  In 2001 I decided I couldn't be married to him in any more.  In 2003 I had my first horrible post-divorce break up.  In 2007 I had my first miscarriage.   In 2008 a failed IVF.     All of these events occurred in November.

In fact I had started to dislike Thanksgiving and anything to do with it.  Last year started the turnaround, however, for my coming to terms with the month of November.   I held my breath for the entire month of November, hoping that my pregnancy would hold and that the next November would truly be different.

Guess what?  It was.   Throughout this journey I have always tried to hold on to the belief that we travel the path we are supposed to.   It may not always be a direct route but ultimately you'll be exactly where you are supposed to be.   Without the breakups and the miscarriages of the past, there would be no Franklin.

This Thanksgiving was everything I wanted it to be.  It wouldn't have mattered if the turkey had burned or the dog ate the pumpkin pie--all that mattered was who was sitting at the table.   I am so very thankful for the science and magic that brought Franklin into this world.   He's a joyful boy who reminds me every day how lucky I am to be his mom.

My little guy had his first bite of turkey that night.  If he had asked to eat his pumpkin pie first, I would have let's Thanksgiving after all.