Saturday, June 29, 2013

PUPO Again

I don't know if it was lack of time or a desire for normalcy that kept me from blogging these last six months.  The problem with infertility is that it mars the happily ever after after dream:  Girl meets boy; they fall in love and get married; and when the time is right they have a baby.   Yet, many times it doesn't work the way it is supposed to.  

I enjoyed blogging about my journey to Mr. F and have been thankful for the many kind words I have received from people who needed to know that they were not alone in their struggle.  Yet, when it came time to think about a sibling, I went 180 degrees the other way.   At first I didn't want to tell anyone.  I wanted to sneak away for our FET [frozen embryo transfer] and then simply announce the a normal pregnancy.   

The fault with that plan, however, is that it would require a great deal of fibbing and orchestration since we do have a toddler to manage.  So, first we told our parents and caregivers.  We were going to need their help for appointments in January and June.   Once I did that, the seal was broken.   I started casually mentioning it to people.   Yet, I still couldn't start blogging about it.

I had many posts in my head.  The decision to try for a second child was not one that we came to lightly.  We were concerned about my health--and that the last pregnancy ended up in what was undiagnosed pre-eclampsia.  We were concerned about energy level and adding to it with a second child.  Bottom line for us, however, is that I felt that it takes science to get us pregnant and a higher force to determine whether or not it is meant to be.  We had four embryos waiting.  We needed to try.

I only wanted to try once.  In the months leading up to transfer I tried to lose a bit more weight, get in shape and have fun.  Because once the shots start again, the fun ends...activity limits, alcohol limits, caffeine limits.  I actually cried after the last game of hockey I played.   Hockey has always been one of my greatest stress reducers.  

There was some detachment to this process.  Last time I did acupuncture regularly.  This time I did none, feeling that our donor quality was so strong I didn't need to.  Plus, I have a joyful little boy, anything more is a bonus.   Yet, one phone call yesterday broke through my shield.   As we were walking around enjoying Portland before our transfer appointment, the embryologist called us.

"We've thawed the first two and they're not looking very good.  Do you want us to thaw the rest and pick the best?"

All of a sudden our confidence was shattered.  What if we had no embryos to transfer?  What if this time didn't work and we couldn't try again.  I kept saying that I'd only do it once, but with the caveat that I wouldn't know how I really felt until we were in the thick of it again.

We arrived at ORM [Oregon Reproductive Medicine...still in my opinion one of the best DE clinics in the country] and they quickly hustled us to the OR.  I figured that was a good sign.  If they were prepping me for transfer, then something must have survived the thaw.  The embryologist came in shortly with Dr. Hesla.  She was quite pleased that they were able to thaw the remaining her words, "they are perfect".   

So here I sit, PUPO [pregnant until proven otherwise] with hopefully #25 settling in for a forty week stay.  

Back at you on July 10th with the results--most likely on a new blog site.  I'm currently in the process of revamping Marketing Mixology to be about all facets of my life.