Color to this week's Conceive blog

On my officially published blog, we refrain from publicizing clinics, etc. Tomorrow or Thursday my next entry will be published. I referred to a couple of things that I wanted to link to here.

The clinic I am considering right now is Oregon Reproductive Medicine. Thanks to Marna at PVED. I am so happy to be talking to Dr. Hesla. He is progressive and open to treating some of the immune issues. Marna also wrote a great comment on the questionable Slate article.

On a personal side, I am really getting close to taking a full-time job and the best part I have a boss who is supportive of this effort! That is worth a million bucks.

The Unexpected Sigh

As far as infertility goes, I have been doing okay. It's always easier when there is a plan on the horizon. Even though we don't have a cycle or a clinic nailed down, I know it is simply a matter of making a couple of decisions.

Yet, the other night while I was out to dinner with my mother, I had that wistful moment. She's had a tough six months with my grandmother falling down and a diminished support network. What I told her, however, is that it doesn't matter how tough things get, you have to keep the faith that it is the path you are supposed to be on. With that, I started to cry and say that is the only reason I can believe I am still childless.

I won't lie. I still don't understand why I have struggled for over a decade to have a baby. But, the only thing that helps me sleep at night is the belief that there is a reason for all this. I have walked this road to learn things about the world and myself that were previously hidden.

Sigh over with... back to believing that there is a happy ending to this journey.

Still struggling

Despite all the good advice of my friend on my post below, I had another no win week at the diet. I did make my goal of five workouts last week. I feel slightly less flabby, but the scale is not my friend.

It didn't help that I had a friend who had a really bad week and that involved some chick flicks, karaoke and wine therapy. How was I to know that in exploring Persian food, I would encounter huge mounds of rice---never before seen in such epic proportions. The excuses continue to be many.

That said, this is a new week. I am flying out for business today and I did something I never did before. I packed my lunch. I have a flat belly approved, MUFA rich lunch. The only thing that can really do me in is that Delta serves those darned Biscoff cookies. A cup of coffee and some cookies, music to my tastebuds.

I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but a longer dog walk won out. I was feeling guilty enough that I was leaving the poor pooch. Zamboni used to have the working parents lifestyle--crated every day and lived for his daily walks. Now he has the work at home lifestyle--couch during the day and plenty of tidbits while I am around.

I just have to keep trying to make the right choices. I packed my gym clothes. Even if I can squeeze in one workout, that will be better than none.

That's my pep talk to my self. Time to go squeeze into the sardine can.

No Flat Belly Here

I posted on my Conceive blog last week that it was time to hit the diet hard. You would think after publicly declaring to thousands of people my intentions, I would actually make some progress.

The first four days of the diet went well and I was strictly following the Jump Start. Then, there was the cooking class I had signed up for two months ago, "Cooking with Cabernet" and then there were the friends over for dinner and then...I just stopped making excuses. Nobody forced me to eat three white chocolate macadamia nut cookies after our hockey game.

Of course, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I was exactly the same weight when I stepped on it last Monday morning. As my friend Nancy would say, "Quel surprise" [It just sounds better in French.]

All I could do today was simply start over and forget about last week's false start. I have walked the dog, went to the gym and ate according to plan. There are no open wine bottles in the house, so I have no excuse but to stick to water tonight.

Why is dieting so hard? When I walked into Starbucks on Saturday, I had every intention of just having a plain cup of coffee, but then they had this new Dark Cherry Chocolate Mocha to try. I do believe that was the moment when my willpower failed me. I wish I hadn't tried it. It was like liquid chocolate covered cherries...now I want another.

I think moderation is hard for me. It is either abstinence or indulgence--nothing in between keeps me on the straight and arrow.

Any tips from successful dieters out there?