Happy First Birthday, Mr. F

Dear Mr. F-

Mom’s a little emotional this weekend.  She can’t believe that this time last year she was in the hospital waiting for you to make your debut—a lifelong dream finally coming true.  

When we had your christening last month, we were asked to give you a blessing.   Ours was very simple.  You bring a tremendous amount of joy to the people who you come in contact with.  Your smile is infectious and makes even the grumpiest of souls melt.  All I want for you is to be as joyful tomorrow [and the many tomorrows ahead] as you are today.

It doesn’t matter if it is your grandpa, your grandma, your nana, your poppa or, even your great-grandma, when any of them are with you, the pictures show how happy you make them.  And, that is truly priceless. 

Mom and Dad would never have it made it through this first year, without them and the many aunties and friends, who were there to bring a dinner or a cup of coffee, take a morning feeding or just offer some encouraging words when we were sleep deprived and not sure how we were going to make it as parents.  

Those first four months were some of the hardest ever, but then these last eight have flown by so fast… 

You are so close to walking.  You just need that confidence to keep putting that foot out front and trying to move forward—and not be afraid of falling.  Mom promises that she’s going to be there as long as she possibly can to give you that encouragement and confidence to go forward in the world.  She’ll be in front of you, behind you or walking beside you in the coming years…  you’ve got her heart and her love forever.

Support the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

Support the Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

It's hard to believe that in just a month my little guy will be turning one.   This time last year I was looking forward to finishing with work and enjoying the last few childfree moments.    But if you read back on my April blogs, I had a scary finish which included double vision and skyrocketing blood pressure.  

I am thankful that I was monitored closely enough to prevent any damage to myself or Mr. F, but it was the scariest time ever.   For that reason I am walking with a fellow Almaden mom in support of research to prevent preeclampsia.

Meanwhile Mr. F remains a total delight.  He has an appetite like his mom and dad as demonstrated below.   We're almost done childproofing the house, but he continues to show us that nothing is ever safe.  We had a great time in Hawaii, and time permitting I'll do a separate blog on that with some beautiful photos of his beachside baptism.

She takes me to Krispy Kreme, but only lets me have a bagel.

T- 2 Months

In two months the little guy will be turning one.   I look at the last ten months and am just blown away by how fast the last few months have gone.   I made it no secret that those first couple of months were not the bliss I was was seeking.  They were hard and I was unhappy.   Yet, I wouldn't change a thing--except wish that I had taken Franklin to the pediatric chiropractor earlier.

I got up too early today.  I'll snooze while mom and dad suffer.

 I wouldn't say that Clay and I are completely in our groove yet, but we are starting to find that balance of being active parents while still being ourselves and a couple.   In fact I am writing this from a coffee shop, enjoying a baby-free mocha and my thoughts.   I'll return in an hour and Clay will go do his weekly off-ice workout class.   One of the ups/downs of being an older mom is there is a higher desire for self.  Just having this hour will energize me for the day.

I need all the energy I can muster these days as Franklin is moving and grooving whenever he is not confined to a stroller or a high chair.   He's not walking yet, but the bets are on....  Someone thought he'd be walking by next week.  I think he'll definitely do it before he's one.   He's trying to learn to stand--he does it for a half second before falling on his bum.

To feed all that energy, he is quickly starting to leave the baby foods behind and eat as many real things as he can.   Yesterday's breakfast included his first scrambled egg yolk and bagel with cream cheese.    For dinner we are often having ground beef, turkey or chicken which he will voraciously stuff in his mouth.    You would think that we never feed him.   Zamboni is very pleased with this turn of events as anything that doesn't make it into Franklin's mouth ends up on the floor, and ultimately, in Zamboni's belly.   We are going to have to keep a close eye on the dog's weight with this new turn of events.

As near as I can tell my return to an office full-time has not affected him.  There are still plenty of smiles in the morning and the evening.  You do really learn to appreciate the time you have with him.   When I am with Franklin, I try to refrain from doing anything else.   No cell phones, no laptops, no televisions.   It's not always easy, especially when there is still an hour or two left in the "informal workday" [after five pm].   What I do miss is some of the play dates with the moms--almost all of us are back working now.   Our only opportunity to get the kids together is usually on the weekends.  

So, it has taken me almost five days to finish this blog....Today I had my first away from baby meltdown.  I ran to the coffee shop to fuel up for a late work night and someone had their baby with them.   It just made me cry.  I had only ten minutes with him this morning and wasn't going to make it home tonight.  I know that working is the right decision for me, but it just isn't easy when you leave this face behind.

And, He's Off to the Races

Getting a still photo is a miracle these days....

Mr. F is going to be 10 months before I ever get this written.  If I thought time was moving fast before, it is now speeding by in a blur--which is what happens when your relatively immobile baby is now crawling.  Parents have warned me that the changes come quickly and they weren't kidding.  

What started out as a cute army crawl is now the impetus for my daily exercise.  I can no longer leave Mr. F alone anywhere for more than a second because in that time he can pull down a fake tree, climb up stairs and suck on a lamp cord.    We were supposed to have childproofed the house over the holidays, but it just didn't seem that urgent.  Now it is necessity.  

He's still a fairly happy guy.  He has three basic needs:  food, sleep and a clean diaper.  If all of those are taken care of, he'll kindly repay you with smiles and giggles.   However, I wish he'd read the memo about not having a conversation before 7am.   This last week he has begun his eloquent monologues about 6am--Zamboni doesn't even want to hear them [and tries to curl up more deeply in his pillow].  

For those who want his stats, he's 29 1/2 inches and 22 pounds and 10 ounces.   I don't even look at clothes that are smaller than 18 months.  He's going to be one of those guys with long legs and a smaller waist--wonder where he gets that from?

Having a giggle with Dad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next week at this time I will have finished my first week of full-time work after a ten month hiatus.   The good news is that I feel extremely lucky that I have been able to hire someone to watch over him, who has my confidence and trust.   As I have said all along in this journey, people and events come into your life for a reason.   In hiring a nanny I wanted to find someone I could partner with.   I'll be the first to admit that I am not an avid reader of child development texts.  I wanted somebody who knows enough to help me evaluate my options as a parent.  

This afternoon we were discussing what was we needed for childproofing.   There's one cabinet that doesn't necessarily need latches, but it also shouldn't be 'free to access'.   The nanny asked me if we were gong to be willing to invest the time to teach him that there are forbidden places. That's my preference, but we'll see how easy that is with a little boy!

Sunday mornings are swim lessons.  He loves being in the water--which bodes well for the warm weather vacations we hope to take again [and starting in March with our 5th anniversary celebration].

What Time Is It?

Yesterday there was a great blog in the Huffington Post about "Don't Carpe Diem".  The short version of this blog is that this mom is tired of people telling her to enjoy every moment of motherhood because let's face it--it's hard work.   But, her main point reviews the two types of time: Chronos and Kairos time.  Chronos being the every day moments, including all the muck, and Kairos being the gems that you cherish.

It is this duality of time that is at the heart of the working mom's dilemma.   For the last few months I have been in an interesting position.   I expected to go back to work full time when Franklin was four months old.   Due to the progressive thinking of my old company, they thought it would be better to eliminate my job so I could spend more time with my child.  

Once I took a deep breath and stopped panicking about our financial free fall, I tried to enjoy the fact that I had "a fussy-free, sleeping through the night" baby who just wanted to spend time having fun.   However, since we live in Silicon Valley, not getting a new job wasn't an option.  We are not set-up to be a single income family.   But, if I am honest, it is not all about the money.

Today was a great day.  I woke up, enjoyed morning time with my little guy, then I dressed in grown-up clothes.  I slid into my pre-pregnancy pencil skirt, curled my hair and put make up on.   I was meeting with a new client who had flown up for the day to meet with a customer.   It felt so good to slip back into my old life, where my mental challenge of the day wasn't remembering the lyrics to 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'.   It was a Kairos moment for me--a moment to come back to myself.

Don't get me wrong.  There was still a lot of craziness to the day.  I was twenty minutes late to the meeting because I had forgotten what a commute was like.  I rushed back to my house after the meeting to work on materials for another job and pick up Franklin to take him to the afternoon meeting.   I am in a unique position in that I had a lot of people cheering me on for this baby, so it is great when former colleagues want to meet him and I can take him with.  I then to took F to his grandparents, so I could work some more but realized that I left the computer at home.

Yet, despite all of that, I had one of those clear defining moments of what I want my life to be.

I had been wrestling with the idea that staying home might be the best thing for Franklin and I should find a way to make it work.  But it isn't the best thing for Franklin because it isn't what will make me happy.  I'll admit that I can't deal with the muck day in and day out.  I applaud the moms out there that can [and I was raised my one who could], but it's not for me.  What is important to me, however, is to find the job the will allow me to still have many Kairos moments--it may be scaling up my consulting business, or it may be that my current part-time gig will become full-time.  Now, you are saying how could a full-time job give you the flexibility to still have those special moments?

See my part-time gig is a VP of Marketing role for a forward-thinking company who is focused on financial planning and investing for young families.  As the person responsible for fostering the company and brand culture, you can bet that we will have policies that allow for attending pre-school holiday parties, soccer practices and school field trips.   Participating in your family life will be required not optional.  

Meanwhile I am going to enjoy these  early days as much as I can.  I've had five more months in Franklin's every day life than I expected.  And, each night when I kiss him good night, I am very thankful for Kairos.

I Believe

The month slipped by in a blink of an eye.   Even though Franklin will never remember this Christmas, his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles will.   He did awesome with his first Santa photo--it may be the only one he ever smiles for, but that's okay as I know that photo sent a lot of joy across the land.

I bought a $6 dollar shirt at Target this season in my favorite color, purple, and on the front in rhinestones, it said, "Believe."   Nothing has been more true for me over the last couple years.   I have to admit that I often had trouble keeping the faith that it would all work out, but Clay has been unwavering in his belief that we would someday be parents.  That is what often makes a good partnership--the ability to stabilize the boat for each other during turbulent times.   Even though the first year of parenting is filled with joyful moments, there are also moments of stress, insecurity and frustration.   It has become clear to both of us that when the waters are rocky, we truly need to find our way back to center.   When the two of us are in synch, it is much easier to ride the waves.


Franklin turned 8 months old yesterday.  As far as 2011 is concerned, we spent more time with Franklin as part of our life than we did without him.   Most days are a blast as we seem to have a talkative extrovert on our hands [can't imagine where he gets that from].  Our routine only gets disrupted when Franklin gets a cold, which seems to be every three weeks right now.    What we are hoping for 2012 is that Mom and Dad build up some immunity and not get sick every time the little guy does.

8 Months--Catching the Doggie

 

 

 

 

 

This coming year is going to be an interesting one as I navigate the waters as a working mom. Again, as painful as getting laid off while on maternity leave was, I am grateful for the things I learned about myself  during the last four months.  I have held on to the belief that I would end up in the right place at the right time--and, ultimately, the best choice for the family.   Because that's the difference between this year and last, my choices used to be about what was right for me.  Now it's about what is right for all of us.   It's a new trick for an old dog to learn.

Tell Me Another Dad, That's Funny!

I wish for all of you during 2012 is a peaceful and healthy year.  Be kind to each other and cherish each day. Thanks for following along.

Finally a November with a Happy Ending

"Thankful V finally had a happy November."   Posted on my husband's Facebook wall.  I had been writing a gratitude status every day, but I forgot the last day.   Yet, he knew exactly what to write.

November had come to be my least favorite month.   In 1998 I discovered my first husband wasn't able to have kids.  In 2001 I decided I couldn't be married to him in any more.  In 2003 I had my first horrible post-divorce break up.  In 2007 I had my first miscarriage.   In 2008 a failed IVF.     All of these events occurred in November.

In fact I had started to dislike Thanksgiving and anything to do with it.  Last year started the turnaround, however, for my coming to terms with the month of November.   I held my breath for the entire month of November, hoping that my pregnancy would hold and that the next November would truly be different.

Guess what?  It was.   Throughout this journey I have always tried to hold on to the belief that we travel the path we are supposed to.   It may not always be a direct route but ultimately you'll be exactly where you are supposed to be.   Without the breakups and the miscarriages of the past, there would be no Franklin.

This Thanksgiving was everything I wanted it to be.  It wouldn't have mattered if the turkey had burned or the dog ate the pumpkin pie--all that mattered was who was sitting at the table.   I am so very thankful for the science and magic that brought Franklin into this world.   He's a joyful boy who reminds me every day how lucky I am to be his mom.

My little guy had his first bite of turkey that night.  If he had asked to eat his pumpkin pie first, I would have let him...it's Thanksgiving after all.