Home Stretch: 4 weeks and Counting

Home stretch, literally and figuratively.  Just when I think my stomach can't get any bigger it does.   It has a lot to house.

We had our last ultrasound today…the estimations are that #25, baby boy, is 6 pounds and #7, baby girl, is 5 pounds.  That is at 34 weeks.   With a half pound gain estimated per baby per week, OMG, I can't even imagine how I am going to be feeling at the finish line.

That said, I just want to make it safely to the finish line.  We had a scare a couple weeks ago, when a couple symptoms of pre-eclampsia started to show up.  I've tried not to think about it this pregnancy as the high-risk doctor thought it would be unlikely this time, but I've also not slowed down.

The good news is that I am not on bed rest.  Work has been amazingly supportive and now I work from home two days a week, plus try to commute during less stressful hours.  Most importantly, it has made me put my actions into better perspective.   I canceled a girls' weekend away because even 48 hours with my favorite gals wasn't worth a trip to the ER and NICU.

Thank you all for the support and good wishes you have sent our way.  I am so thankful that we have made it this far.   Everyone asks, "Are we ready?"   I think we are more ready to be parents than we were three years ago, but every baby is different and this time we will be juggling two, plus the amazing Mr. F.    The only thing we can be ready with at this point in time is a sense of humor…we're going to need it.

PUPO Again

I don't know if it was lack of time or a desire for normalcy that kept me from blogging these last six months.  The problem with infertility is that it mars the happily ever after after dream:  Girl meets boy; they fall in love and get married; and when the time is right they have a baby.   Yet, many times it doesn't work the way it is supposed to.  

I enjoyed blogging about my journey to Mr. F and have been thankful for the many kind words I have received from people who needed to know that they were not alone in their struggle.  Yet, when it came time to think about a sibling, I went 180 degrees the other way.   At first I didn't want to tell anyone.  I wanted to sneak away for our FET [frozen embryo transfer] and then simply announce the results...like a normal pregnancy.   

The fault with that plan, however, is that it would require a great deal of fibbing and orchestration since we do have a toddler to manage.  So, first we told our parents and caregivers.  We were going to need their help for appointments in January and June.   Once I did that, the seal was broken.   I started casually mentioning it to people.   Yet, I still couldn't start blogging about it.

I had many posts in my head.  The decision to try for a second child was not one that we came to lightly.  We were concerned about my health--and that the last pregnancy ended up in what was undiagnosed pre-eclampsia.  We were concerned about energy level and adding to it with a second child.  Bottom line for us, however, is that I felt that it takes science to get us pregnant and a higher force to determine whether or not it is meant to be.  We had four embryos waiting.  We needed to try.

I only wanted to try once.  In the months leading up to transfer I tried to lose a bit more weight, get in shape and have fun.  Because once the shots start again, the fun ends...activity limits, alcohol limits, caffeine limits.  I actually cried after the last game of hockey I played.   Hockey has always been one of my greatest stress reducers.  

There was some detachment to this process.  Last time I did acupuncture regularly.  This time I did none, feeling that our donor quality was so strong I didn't need to.  Plus, I have a joyful little boy, anything more is a bonus.   Yet, one phone call yesterday broke through my shield.   As we were walking around enjoying Portland before our transfer appointment, the embryologist called us.

"We've thawed the first two and they're not looking very good.  Do you want us to thaw the rest and pick the best?"

All of a sudden our confidence was shattered.  What if we had no embryos to transfer?  What if this time didn't work and we couldn't try again.  I kept saying that I'd only do it once, but with the caveat that I wouldn't know how I really felt until we were in the thick of it again.

We arrived at ORM [Oregon Reproductive Medicine...still in my opinion one of the best DE clinics in the country] and they quickly hustled us to the OR.  I figured that was a good sign.  If they were prepping me for transfer, then something must have survived the thaw.  The embryologist came in shortly with Dr. Hesla.  She was quite pleased that they were able to thaw the remaining two...in her words, "they are perfect".   

So here I sit, PUPO [pregnant until proven otherwise] with hopefully #25 settling in for a forty week stay.  

Back at you on July 10th with the results--most likely on a new blog site.  I'm currently in the process of revamping Marketing Mixology to be about all facets of my life.

A Year of Miracles

I still owe a post on my most recent scan, but as a long time San Francisco Giants fan we interrupt this blog for a celebration!

I have been a Giants fan for 43 years [well, maybe consciously for 38 years], never to experience the thrill of a World Series Victory. Tonight I had tears in my eyes as I saw the dreams fulfilled for millions of fans. The greatest thing about this accomplishment was that it was a team effort. No superstars, just a bunch of guys who didn't stop believing in themselves--even though the experts predicted a victory for the other team.

I know that #3 is doing a high five right now inside because "he" more than anyone can appreciate what a team effort can lead to. I am pregnant right now because there was a team of folks who believed that with a little science and a little luck I could be on the path to motherhood. Getting here has been filled with wins and losses, but the victory sometimes is sweeter when it is hard fought and unexpected.

Today's post is dedicated to all those who are batting against infertility. In those immortal words of Journey, "Don't Stop Believing."

And, thank you, San Francisco Giants. Enjoy your miracle.



Grandpa to Be, Me and #3 at Game 1 of the 2010 World Series against the Texas Rangers

Another Milestone Passed

Yesterday we went for our first ob visit, which included another ultrasound and some unpleasantness of things being stuck where you don't want them to.

#3 [also known as Twin A] is measuring at 2cm and had a heartbeat of 166bpm. #25 [also known as Twin B] was hiding out a bit, but he finally surfaced and was measuring 1.9cm and 170bpm. Both are right where they should be, so we are breathing a little easier. Given all the pg symptoms I have, I keep repeating the mantra that feeling bad is good.

We don't know anything about gender, but I am betting on two boys--which is why I keep calling them 'he' and 'defenseman'. We won't know the gender until December. It's funny--my dad doesn't want to know. Everyone will know around him, but he believes he can remain in the dark for the additional twenty weeks.

I actually switched to a new ob. I loved my old ob, but she is 30 minutes away without traffic. With a great hospital nearby, it made sense to find someone that is just 10 minutes away. He is very understanding of previously infertile women. He is willing to see you as much as you want to feel good about your pregnancy.

It's still hard to believe that I am pregnant!

The Aliens Have Taken Over

Can I just say that I am no longer in control of my body? Those two little creatures above are now ruling how I feel on a daily basis. The frustrating part is that there is no consistency to how you feel.

Most days I feel pretty good between the hours of 7am and 2pm. Today, not so much. I am starting to get the sense that queasiness is becoming a part of my daily routine. Usually, I am lucky and I don't experience it until late in the day. And, despite, having had a good night's sleep, I have just wanted to nap for the last hour since coming home from breakfast.

This is really a change for me. I have never been the type that likes to just lounge around. If the sun is shining, then I am usually getting something done--either around the house or out running an errand. I have had to take my to do list down several notches. Everybody tells me this temporary and by week 13, I'll be back to my old self. All I know is that is still six weeks away.

Until then, back to the couch for me.

Keeping calm while trying to conceive

This marks the second day of my new hobby, trying to keep my online friends calm while trying to conceive.

I actually made my debut as a blogger earlier this week on Lexy.

http://www.lexy.com/profile?id=682

Lexy is new and by checking them out now, you will be on the inside track. Lexy lets you listen to "quikcasts", which are bites of news and entertainment to fit your busy life. You can either listen on your PC or better yet on your mobile phone. And, the coolest feature they have added recently is the ability to audio blog and then distribute to your friends.

For those who don't know me, I am 41 and trying to have a baby with my wonderful husband of soon to be two years. I was married before and, unfortunately, experienced infertility the first time because my husband wasn't able to have kids. This time it appears to be all my fault. We miscarried in November 2007 and had a chemical pregnancy as a result of IVF in December 2008. My eggs are just not cooperating.

I'll tell you more as the weeks go on, but for now, if you are experiencing infertility, just know that there is someone online who knows the emotional upheaval that you live with every day.

Just remember today that the sun is shining somewhere.