Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What Day Is It?

You can always tell when it is one of those in between cycles. I can't tell you what cycle day it is. I have to sit down with a calendar and really think about it. Last week was a bit of a blur. The let down after the medicated cycles is always greater than a natural cycle. It makes sense. You believe you have done all you can to optimize your chances and still nothing to show for it.

I felt horrible for a good friend of mine. She picked last week to call and tell me she was 4 1/2 months pregnant, which for a 40 year old is fantastic news. She's made it through all the hard hurdles. I was happy as I could be for her--but still playing in the back of my mind is why is it so easy for most people. Yet, for a chosen few, it is a tremendous struggle.

I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. I am a little late to the boat in reading it, I will admit. However, I believe that timing is essential in this universe. I needed to be in the right space to hear the messages in the book. I am not ready to run to an Ashram, but it got me thinking about how much I need to carve some time out to just have some mind space around this whole topic. As I could start to feel the low wave of depression starting to creep in, I decided to stop it this time. Instead, I picked up Alice Domar's Conquering Infertility and started doing some of the mind/body relaxation techniques. Plus, I put a call into my therapist from my previous bout of infertility a decade ago. I am sure that if I ever decide to run for office in the future, someone will find this blog and misconstrue my words. But, I believe we should be in a world where we are not afraid to admit that sometimes we need some help thinking things out.

And, that's where I am at....on cycle day 9.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Vanessa-
    Great to find you. I went through unsuccessful infertility for what seems like an eternity and am writing a memoir where my infertility will feature prominently.
    I wish you lots of luck and also understand exactly about that which you write. It's lonely and isolating.
    Sending a hug,