Thursday, August 20, 2009

Filling the Void

Today's post is actually coming from Napa. It is too early to start tasting wine, so it is a great time to take a moment and ponder about this week's random thoughts. Even though infertility is a big part of my current mid-life crisis, I do think there is more to it.

Yesterday, I had a chance to meet Amelia Ceja, president of Ceja Vineyards. She is the woman we all strive to be--successful in her passions [food, wine, experiencing life]. She took my friend and I down a row of grapes, picking grapes from different places and readily identifying the flavors [kiwi, apple, tropical] and every grape she enjoyed and savored. She talked about the rivers and the importance of keeping the community strong. Every word was filled with her enthusiasm. This busy woman took an hour of out of her day to take two strangers into her world. I believe that often people come into your world for a reason. I think our visit to Ceja and to meet Amelia yesterday was to put the fire back into me for living a complete life.

As much as I want a child, having a child is not going to fill the passion void I am currently experiencing. As infertile women, I think we often fall into a trap of believing that the only thing that is going to make us ultimately happy is to have a child. But, that is so far from the truth. In order to be good parents, we need to be whole individuals--people who can be happy for themselves and not because of others. Yet, it is hard every day to do something besides think about how am I going to be able to have a child.

There is another gal I know who has also stepped off the career track to improve her fertility. She is also finding that being focused on infertility is not enough. She is looking for more purpose. Women have made great strides. Even as little as fifty years ago, it would have been rare for this conversation to be happening. Women were expected to only amuse themselves with interests as side dishes to their main job of having children. Today, we have the opportunity to be who we want to be as well as a mother.

My bottom line thought today for my infertile friends is to take a minute today and look past infertility. Think about what else you want in life to fill your spirit. Try to spend some time keeping yourself whole.

Now, time to start tasting more wine.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. As an infertile woman who has built a family through adoption, I enjoy my role as a mother. But having a child has not completed me. I have other interests. My daughter needs to see me as a whole person. She is a wonderful addition to our family but not the center of our world.