Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Please Ask for Help with Infertility Stress

I don't normally post my written audio blog, but I have excerpted my current audio blog because I think the topic is so important.

Yesterday there was an anonymous posting on an infertility board of which I participate on. My interpretation and the interpretation of twenty-two other women was that the writer had left her suicide note for all of us to read. The despair that had plagued her was tremendous. She lost a pregnancy at 16 weeks, was financially bankrupt and, clearly, emotionally spent. I am just an armchair psychologist at this point, but my guess is that she suffered from a post-partum depression that could have been magnified when she started to use fertility medications again.

Because she posted anonymously, we had no way to reach out to her except through posting. We posted the suicide prevention hotline number, we shared our stories, we begged her to just call somebody. It is the rare woman suffering from infertility who doesn’t have some dark days. As found on renowned mind-body expert, Alice Domar’s website, research has shown that the stress associated with fertility treatment can be at a level comparable to the stress associated with serious illness. Patients who seek emotional support early in treatment are often better prepared for their experiences and find it significantly less stressful than patients who do not.

If you are emotionally struggling with infertility, please seek out help. There are so many of us out here trying to help each other, sometimes in person, but most of the time virtually through chat groups, emails and twitter. You can even take an infertility stress test

I don’t know the ending to the story. We have all waited breathlessly today for anonymous to post again and tell us that she called for help. We haven’t heard a thing. We can only hope that she is with someone who is helping her as I speak.

If you or somebody you know is depressed because of infertility, please reach out to someone. Infertility may feel like the end of the world, but there is still so much more.


  1. I'm so glad you blogged about this. I was going to say something on my blog but have felt so overwhelmed by it. My heart is heavy and there is no way we can reach her. I'm still wondering if maybe the moderator can track her down via her IP address....without a log in, I think that is all that she can find to track her. I know Demi Moore had help sent to a suicidal woman with the help of twitter...the woman had tweeted about her thoughts of suicide. In any is out of our hands, all we can do is hope and pray that she is ok.

    xo, kittygirltx

  2. There is no shame in seeking help. TTC is very stressful and sometimes having someone to talk to is all you need. I hope that this anonymous poster listened to everyone's advice and got some help.

  3. Just as a footnote. We haven't heard from the mysterious poster.

  4. Thank you for sharing this! As I was reading your entry, I was reminded of something we went through several years ago. Through our experience we learned something new (to us) that now seems appropriate to share here ...

    hCG levels are at their highest near the end of the first trimester, then they plateau and slowly decline throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. The detail that seems to receive less attention is that when there's a miscarriage near the end of the first trimester, hCG leves go from max-to-zero in a much shorter length of time, which can compound one's sadness & depression.

    Unfortunatley, my wife and I discovered this first-hand (ectopic tubal rupture). It wasn't until long after that we came to understand the chemical effect that made our bad/sad situation 'seem' even worse.


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