Thursday, December 3, 2009

My neglected blog

Because I have been doing my primary blogging on Conceive, this poor blog has been neglected. In fact, I am absolutely ashamed of myself that I didn't at least come in last Friday and type those three awful initials: BFN.

How am I a week later? Better than I expected. Evidently my strategy of not falling into doom and gloom seems to work. It also helps that my friends are following my advice and not really talking about it. Because the moment I do start to talk about it, my voice begins to crack and the tears come to the surface. Now, I know denial isn't always your best strategy, but I am okay with that for now.

After taking essentially five months off to focus on improving my fertility, I am now working again. Given that we have no infertility insurance coverage, there was just a limit to how long I could go without working. Unfortunately, I think I will need to work a few months before I can even consider another round of treatment. In a time where many people are suffering from having no health insurance, I know I should feel lucky that I have health insurance. If I got pregnant, there would be plenty of coverage. But, I did not choose infertility. Infertility is not an elective disease--it baffles me on how insurance companies continue to get away with not providing coverage. Or, is it more that companies are to blame? Neither my former company or my husband's current company think it is a benefit worth including. I never thought that I would be one of those people who spent a $100,000 to have a baby. But, we are halfway there and, obviously, unless there is a miracle occurring in my womb in the next six months.... that home equity loan is going to be looking very attractive. Has anybody been following how infertility will fare in the proposed health care plans?

After a very long working day, I am going to call it a night. My next post, however, will talk about my exciting blog award that my TTC friends have bestowed upon me.


  1. Oh Vanessa, I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. I'm totally with you on the denial thing, it's like; Don't ask me how I'm doing and I'll be fine... You can process that grief when you're ready, until then, take all the time you need.

    The insurance situation is SO frustrating, our insurance doesn't even cover the diagnostic tests we did to find out what our issues were! It's so frustrating!

    Anyway, please know I'm thinking of you.


  2. Hi, I just came across your blog, I am beginning the whole infertility process and testing in Jan. Neither mine nor my hubby's insurance covers this. But, we were told that we could pick up supplemental insurance...I am from MA and have received quotes of 399-500. per month. Is this an option in your state? You may want to look into it if you haven't already. Good luck.

  3. Venessa,

    I'm so sorry. I was a BFN as well. This is now my 2nd failed cycle. Have you been tested for auto immune issues?