Our next ultrasound isn’t until Tuesday, Oct. 19th. Until then, I have to just continue to hold the deep belief that #3 is going to be just fine.
Last week was tough. Clay thought I was fine—he said I had my game face on. But, inside I was being torn up. Even though it wasn’t my fault, I found plenty of reasons to blame myself. I found myself going back into my darker infertile hole. Just days before I had been filled with nothing but joy and light, then I was confronted with yet another loss.
I reached out to my online community who had plenty of positive stories to share. It seems that vanishing twins are for more common than people know. I just wish that the doctor had warned us specifically about the possibility.
I took a huge leap of faith on Saturday, though. I bought some maternity clothes. So, I may leave the tags on until next Tuesday, but I thought that was a pretty big step. I think someone women are lucky and are able to stay in their street clothes longer, but all I can say is that my waistbands are tight. I was also thrilled to discover that even H&M has maternity clothes.
And, in even better news, I only have two intramuscular shots left this week. My body is making enough hormones that we can stop supplementing it and just let it do its thing. This is good news for everyone in the house. Clay, who has more then earned his candy striper badge, has done in my estimation over 200 shots for this cycle alone. This is not an easy task—and not something every husband is willing to do. Who wants to take a needle that’s an inch and a half long and stick it deeply into someone’s flesh? I asked a friend to do it this weekend while Clay was gone and I am not sure if she’s finished being traumatized.
At least I’ll be slightly distracted between now and next Tuesday as I am on my first business trip as a pregnant lady, which is not always a good combination—especially when your flight gets cancelled.