On the bright side...

I get to play hockey tonight.

At the weekend camping trip, I can participate in the nightly happy hours that will include Martinis, MaiTais and Manhattans.

I have a month to get myself into super duper summer shape with my new athletic club membership.

The hardest part of a negative test today is finding the good in all of it. I just have to believe there's a reason why this month isn't it.

Time to go walk the dog and appreciate my four-legged kid.

Beta Day

This day always sucks. There is no other way to put it. No way to sugarcoat it. Maybe it would suck less if I didn't think I knew the answer. I cheated this time. I did the POAS [Pee on a Stick] and there was nothing there to tell me differently.

The odd part is that the acupuncturists really have believed there has been a pregnancy pulse. My worst fear is that there is going to be a low beta again...the almost pregnancy. In some ways, they are positive signs because most of the parts are working, yet there is something that doesn't close the deal.

I started this blog to offer encouragement and be helpful for others, but there are simply some days when you need help yourself. I really have to thank all the gals on my Over 40 board yesterday who were still holding out those last glimmers of hope for me. Tales of positive betas after negative home pregnancy tests {HPT}.

Stay tuned for the results later...I am done venting now.

5 Days to Beta

I am getting anxious this last week. Having a hard time following my own advice about staying mindful and staying in the present. Even though I am in my final month at work, I still find that I am letting things tweak me out too much.

Deep breath.

I went to the acupuncturist yesterday. She said that my pulse was strong. For those unfamiliar with Chinese Medicine, your health is often gauged by your pulse and your tongue. She told me to remain optimistic and felt good about what she felt was going on. I'd like to believe I am super in tune with my body at this point, but I can't tell you that I am actually feeling anything, except really sore boobs. And, that is most likely from the lovely progesterone supplements. All I have to say is that there is nothing dignified about this process.

My beta is on Monday. Everyone just needs to keep their fingers and toes crossed until then.

Turkey Basting Time

156 million sperm, 8 Follistim shots, 3 ultrasounds and 1 trigger shot later, we are at the halfway point of this cycle. Today was turkey basting time.

Yesterday I could only hope that all those follicles did what they were supposed to do. When we checked on Thursday, the one on the left was a solid leading 16, and there were four on the right: 14, 12.5, and a couple of tens. You have to have faith that the doctor knows what he is doing, but I was skeptical that four days later, some of these guys are going to be big enough to do anything.

From today's look at things, everybody seemed to be coming to the party. My darling hubby did more than his part, cotributing lots of strong swimmers. It was totally bizarre to watch it on the ultrasound. After the procedure, you literally watch a see of white moving and going where it needs to.

Afterwards, I went to acupuncture and now officially start the two-week waiting period. During this time, I am evidently supposed to eat plenty of chicken and pineapple, and avoid heavy abdominal twisting...no crunches for me--I'll just have to work on the summer time arms.

All in all, I am feeling as optimistic as I can be about our 5% chance of making things happen. We've done what we can for this cycle. I have reduced my stress level and improved my overall frame of mind.

It's in someone else's hands.