This is day two of my official hiatus on the career track. After working intensely for the last twenty years in high tech, I finally had to make the decision to put my health and well-being before my career success. Now I inherently know that life is more important than work, but for someone who has defined a large part of herself on career achievement, this was a tough choice.
I had to wrangle through the feelings of thinking that I have failed. I have failed as a woman because I can't do it all, which is the bill of goods I have been sold since the early commercials that sang "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget your a man." Yet, what we as a society fail to do is encourage people to take time to pursue their dreams. And, unfortunately, most corporations are not set-up to enable folks restorative periods or the flexibility to do both. I have often heard people brag that they never took a two-week vacation---I just think that is sad. There are a few progressive corporations who offer sabbaticals. If I ever own a company, we will have sabbaticals.
Almost everyone at the office wished me well, and often, there was a slight expression of envy. When I went to the doctor today and my blood pressure was the lowest it has been in years [100/70], it was another confirmation that I had made the right decision. This break won't be forever, and I definitely plan to work again but right now I am really focusing on everything I can do to get my health and wellness back into balance. I ate more fruits and vegetables this morning than I had in a week. But, I had time to shop. I had time to prepare them. I had time to sit down and eat them. I did the happy dance.
When I knew that I was going on leave and would some day be looking for a job again, I debated on whether or not to go public with my fertility challenge. Obviously, I decided to go forward, but here were my reasons: 1) If someone wouldn't hire because of all this, then it wouldn't be a supportive environment going forward--not a place I would want to work. 2) As someone with a career in marketing, my ability to embrace new forms of marketing [social media] should be lauded. and 3) If they worried that I would get pregnant and leave them, then they didn't get to know me at all. Someone who is willing to go through all the pain and challenges to pursue a single goal is someone you want on your team.
Enough time on the computer, I am going out to smell the sunshine.
PS It is CD 30 and am waiting for AF.