Still in the 2WW but not hopeful

I did it. I did the POAS today [Day 28] and it was a big fat single line. However, at a consult later in the afternoon, the doctor said not to count that as it was too early. Dude--really, why would you give a gal such false hope?

My cycle follows a familiar pattern that usually begins with some spotting on Day 25. That has never happened when I have been successful. Because I am doubtful that this is the month, tonight I sit with pre-vacation toast. Since we are headed to the islands, it must be the fine taste of Oronoco Rum.

The consult with Stanford IVF deserves a long post, but that is going to have to wait until I come back from vacation. Aloha.

7 More Days in the 2WW

In theory, if we were successful this month, the microscopic [and that is being generous] embryo should be quietly making itself a home right now in the inner caverns. I keep looking for signs but in reality the likelihood of signs is almost zero and none. I try to think back to my other two previous false starts and nothing comes to mind. The only symptom was the missed period. No implantation spotting. No sore boobs.

It was actually going through the IVF process this last time where you are definitely conscious of the changes in your body. It was then that I came to the conclusion that signs, except the one that comes on 'the stick,' are highly unlikely. It actually takes the body three days after implantation to secrete HCG, which is what is detected by the pregnancy tests.

And because I remain the pessimist in this endeavor, I had a MaiTai tonight. A week from today we'll be watching the sunset from Kauai and the 2WW will be over.

Keep Calm During the 2WW

The first post of the week is actually an audio blog that can be heard here:

http://www.lexy.com/feed/?id=388

Here my thoughts about trying to keep calm during the time of hope, aka the 2WW.

Keeping calm while trying to conceive

This marks the second day of my new hobby, trying to keep my online friends calm while trying to conceive.

I actually made my debut as a blogger earlier this week on Lexy.

http://www.lexy.com/profile?id=682

Lexy is new and by checking them out now, you will be on the inside track. Lexy lets you listen to "quikcasts", which are bites of news and entertainment to fit your busy life. You can either listen on your PC or better yet on your mobile phone. And, the coolest feature they have added recently is the ability to audio blog and then distribute to your friends.

For those who don't know me, I am 41 and trying to have a baby with my wonderful husband of soon to be two years. I was married before and, unfortunately, experienced infertility the first time because my husband wasn't able to have kids. This time it appears to be all my fault. We miscarried in November 2007 and had a chemical pregnancy as a result of IVF in December 2008. My eggs are just not cooperating.

I'll tell you more as the weeks go on, but for now, if you are experiencing infertility, just know that there is someone online who knows the emotional upheaval that you live with every day.

Just remember today that the sun is shining somewhere.