Hope is Refusal

This weekend I attended the memorial service of a very dear friend of mine. She was a woman who lived her life fully--even more than I knew prior to the service. Prior to the cancer, she battled infertility. She suffered through six miscarriages andwas about to start third party reproductive treatments when they found the cancer. With the cancer, it was never clear what the future looked like, so she opted to remain child-free.

What I found out at the service was that C was one of the key folks in leading the children's Sunday school. When speaking about it at the memorial service, the point was made that even though C was no longer with us, there were seeds of her in all the children she touched. Choosing to be child-free doesn't mean that you can't influence the future and have a legacy. In fact, it actually opens the door to potentially influencing more than one individual.

That said, we're still not ready to make that call yet. I am not a particularly religious person, but there was a line from Sunday's service that really struck me.

Hope is the refusal to accept the reading of reality which is
the majority opinion.-Walter Brueggemann

That line is truly the tagline for anyone over 40 who is on this quest. There are a lot of folks who will tell you it can't happen, but there are still a few out there who believe. I still believe.

Even in C's last battles this summer with cancer, she still understood my battles with infertility. She was the first to reach out when it was public knowledge that a good friend of ours was pregnant. She knew that even though I was happy that my just-turned 40 friend was pregnant, it was still tough news to swallow.

The best I can do to honor her is to continue my fight against infertility with the same grace and resilience she showed her whole life.