As far as infertility goes, I have been doing okay. It's always easier when there is a plan on the horizon. Even though we don't have a cycle or a clinic nailed down, I know it is simply a matter of making a couple of decisions.
Yet, the other night while I was out to dinner with my mother, I had that wistful moment. She's had a tough six months with my grandmother falling down and a diminished support network. What I told her, however, is that it doesn't matter how tough things get, you have to keep the faith that it is the path you are supposed to be on. With that, I started to cry and say that is the only reason I can believe I am still childless.
I won't lie. I still don't understand why I have struggled for over a decade to have a baby. But, the only thing that helps me sleep at night is the belief that there is a reason for all this. I have walked this road to learn things about the world and myself that were previously hidden.
Sigh over with... back to believing that there is a happy ending to this journey.